


Stitches

by orphan_account



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 11:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leslie and Ben go all-out when roleplaying Game of Thrones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stitches

Ann Perkins had seen a lot of crazy things during her time working as a nurse at St. Joe’s. The textbooks could prepare you for all of the procedural scenarios, but every once in a while something would happen that gave her pause and make her question why she’d decided to go into nursing. There had been the drag queen with fake nails embedded into her face, the guy who thought he was R2-D2, and of course the old man with the Christmas ornaments stuck up his butt. (Leslie loved it when Ann told that story.)

She thought she’d seen it all.

Until one evening, she was handed a chart and her eyes widened when she read the patient’s name: Wyatt, Benjamin. Her heart stopped for a moment before she was racing down the hall, almost mowing down Dr. Harris in her hurry, but she didn’t even bother to apologize. She skidded to a stop outside the ER and hurried over to Bed #6.

“Hi Ann!” chirped Leslie, who was sitting next to Ben, her hands stained with red. Ann instantly forgot that Ben was her patient and rushed to Leslie’s side, grabbing her wrist.

“Why are you covered in blood, Leslie?” Ann demanded, but Leslie merely grinned and pointed at Ben’s leg, which was bare thanks to someone having cut off his trousers at the knee to reveal a still-oozing slice on his shin.

“Oh my god, what the hell happened?” Ann cried out in dismay.

Leslie and Ben glanced at one another, and seemed to be having an entire conversation with a series of blinks and in Ben’s case, shaking his head slightly with panicked eyes.

“Sword.”

Ann wasn’t sure she’d heard Ben correctly; he’d muttered it so quietly.

“I’m sorry, did you just say ‘sword?’” she repeated, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Another guilty glance was traded between the two of them, before Leslie spoke up.

“Well, as you might remember, it was Ben’s birthday last week…” she began. “And I sort of… ordered him a replica of Jon Snow’s sword..

“Who?”

“Game of Thrones. Don’t worry about it,” Leslie said quickly. “Anyway, it finally arrived today, and one thing led to another and…”

“Did you stab him, Leslie?!” Ann gasped, horrified.

Leslie laughed, which seemed grossly inappropriate considering Ben was bleeding beside her.

“Oh Ann, you beautiful starfish, of course I didn’t! He did it to himself.”

Ben groaned loudly, and Ann wasn’t sure whether it was from pain or embarrassment.

“He got so excited he dropped it onto his leg. Luckily it didn’t break, because it’s a collector’s edition,” Leslie said, and Ben gaped at her.

“I’m sorry, how about ‘luckily it didn’t slice his leg off?’”

“I told you it was sharp! It’s a real sword!”

“Oh, that’s great. It’s razor-sharp, but at least it’s accurate!”

“You didn’t seem to mind accuracy when it came to all those see-through costumes Daenerys wears!” Leslie shot back, tossing her hair. “You really enjoyed it, actually!”

Ann rubbed her temples and stepped between the arguing couple. “Oh my god, stop talking, both of you! Ben, you need stitches. Leslie, you need to stop talking about your sex life in a hospital of all places.”

She tried to ignore their squabbling and bickering as she consulted Ben’s chart again and laid everything out that she’d need for the procedure. She hoped he wasn’t as squeamish about needles as Leslie was.

By the time she’d snapped on the rubber gloves and had finished cleaning the cut – it was fairly deep but it was a clean incision, which meant the sword was at least well-made – Leslie had wiped most of the blood off of her and was holding Ben’s hand, which was actually pretty cute, Ann had to admit.

“So, aside from the accidental stabbing, how was your birthday?” she asked Ben as she prepared the syringe of anaesthetic she’d use before she sewed up the wound. 

“Well, really the sword was the highl – _fuck you, Ann!_ ” he suddenly yelled, as Ann slid the needle under his skin to administer the freezing.

“Why does everyone always yell at me when I do that?” she sighed aloud. “I’m trying to be gentle! I’m a good nurse, okay?” So much for Ben being a better patient than Leslie.

“Anyway, Les, maybe you should aim for something safer for Christmas this year,” Ann continued. “Like… a scarf, or something.”

“Or a cloak,” Leslie replied, a dreamy look in her eyes. “Black, of course. The Night’s Watch always wears black.”

Ann stared blankly at the both of them before shaking her head and going back to her needle and tweezers. The freezing seemed to be working, because Ben was ignoring her stitching while he and Leslie continued their discussion about their weird roleplay adventures.

“Honestly, Wyatt, you’re going to have to take lessons or something. Even Arya could kick your ass if it came down to it,” Leslie was saying.

“Yeah, because she had Syrio teaching her the art of water-dancing. Leslie, I can’t dance, period. I don’t think I can water-dance,” Ben sighed. “I think we should just hang it above the fireplace and never speak of this day ever, ever, ever again.”

“I’m sorry you got so excited you stabbed yourself,” Leslie apologized, and when Ann glanced up she had leaned over to kiss him. Oh god. Now they were being adorable while she was trying to sew his skin back together. This was really awkward.

She reached for the scissors and snipped off the excess thread before reaching for a bandage to cover it with. The cut wasn’t more than a couple inches long, and it would probably heal pretty well. She’d seen a lot worse. “You might have a scar, but nothing major,” Ann explained as she taped everything up.

“Mmm. Scars are sexy,” Leslie purred, and what was left of Ben’s blood rose to his cheeks as he blushed. Ann rolled her eyes, and made a note on his chart.

“Take Tylenol if it starts to ache, and if it starts to swell get your ass back here right away so we can check for infection. And please, guys, no more swordfighting, okay? I worry about you sometimes.”

Leslie hugged Ann tightly. “Thank you for saving his life,” she gushed. “You’re the most beautiful nurse in the world, and you’re my hero.”

Ann patted her on the back. “Yeah. You know he wasn’t going to die, right?”

“I know, it just sounded more exciting that way!”

As the couple left to go sign out at the front desk, Ann barely had time to put everything away before Dr. Harris dropped another chart in her lap. She glanced down at it and sighed wearily. Apparently someone had tried to domesticate a raccoon and had been attacked. Again.

Here we go again, Ann thought, as she pulled on a fresh set of gloves, once again wondering why she’d ended up in her profession.


End file.
